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Post by shayepoet on Sept 19, 2008 8:24:58 GMT 2
Let's write a short (twelve-verse) renku. Now, we need someone to write the first verse: 3 lines, up to 17 syllables, making reference to the current season.
A renku consists of alternating three- and two-line verses. Each verse links to the one before it while shifting away from the verse before that. Link and Shift - that's what it's about. Of every 3 verses, 1 or 2 should make reference to a season.
Hints: # This game is collaborative rather than competitive, so everyone's a winner! # Start and end the poem on an upbeat note. In-between, anything goes! # Avoid repeating topics, or words (other than small ones). # Variety is the key: vary the subject matter, style, intensity, grammar etc. as much as possible from verse to verse. The idea is to convey the feeling of change. # As well as all four seasons, reference should be made to the following special topics: * the moon (once in the poem) * a flower (once in the poem) * love (in two adjacent verses)
# Remember: long (three-line) verses are up to 17 syllables, short (two-line) ones up to 14 syllables. A renku always starts with a long verse and ends with a short one. # Though the first verse should reference the current surroundings and season, all of the other verses are fictional. Your imagination is your limit!
courtesy of my friend, Norman Darlington
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Post by Barbara A Taylor on Nov 1, 2008 23:30:02 GMT 2
on the moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin
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mm
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Post by mm on Nov 2, 2008 3:44:08 GMT 2
on the moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling
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Post by moira on Nov 2, 2008 13:14:53 GMT 2
Het Barbara, Mary - thanks for getting this started! I'm travelling until 6 Nov so will only pop in intermittently until then. Enjoy, everyone xx, moi PS - I've added intials to the verses so's we can keep track as we go along * on the moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
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Post by tawhite on Nov 2, 2008 18:08:22 GMT 2
on the moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
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lvpd
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Post by lvpd on Nov 2, 2008 18:31:55 GMT 2
on the moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
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Post by moira on Nov 4, 2008 9:09:45 GMT 2
This is looking good! three seasons and the moon already in. Now would be a good time to bring in a couple of love verses. And remember, it's quite ok for a poet to contribute many more than one verse in a renku, just so long as they're not adjacent verses.
xx, moi
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mm
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Posts: 12
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Post by mm on Nov 5, 2008 7:56:56 GMT 2
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river hot heart under the covers /mm
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Post by batsword on Nov 5, 2008 10:12:51 GMT 2
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
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Post by batsword on Nov 5, 2008 10:15:48 GMT 2
(sorry, again with all)
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
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lvpd
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Post by lvpd on Nov 15, 2008 17:10:51 GMT 2
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal - what else can I do? /lvpd
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mm
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Posts: 12
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Post by mm on Nov 16, 2008 8:35:07 GMT 2
I like your latest, lvpd. Only four more stanzas to go. I think this is shaping up nicely.
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Post by giraffe on Nov 22, 2008 0:36:43 GMT 2
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal - what else can I do? /lvpd
white petals spin on black water solstice compass /rjh
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Post by moira on Nov 22, 2008 13:35:18 GMT 2
we're nearing the end of this and I'm going to suggest a few revisions in terms of the hints/outline above, especially with respect to avoiding as far as possible, repeats of words/images.
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
Ssnapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river frozen hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal - what else can I do? /lvpd
white petals doves
spin on veer in a black water sky solstice compass /rjh
just some suggestions because we were beginning to dwell a little on water/rivers/flowers in places - thoughts? comments? moi
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mm
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Post by mm on Nov 23, 2008 9:01:22 GMT 2
well, I think this really needs to say "icy river" - how can a heart be both frozen and hot?
she melts my icy river frozen hot heart under the covers /mm
I don't mind a lot of water and flowers.
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Post by moira on Nov 23, 2008 16:00:04 GMT 2
ooops! - that was careless of me. You're right Mary, 'frozen' doesn't fit like that - I was thinking to add another noun in place of 'river' too, but then got side-tracked moi
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Post by batsword on Nov 24, 2008 3:04:15 GMT 2
the word icy has already been used...
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Post by tawhite on Nov 24, 2008 5:27:21 GMT 2
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river frozen hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal - what else can I do? /lvpd
White doves veer in a black sky solstice compass /rjh
the stars signal impatience - while we wait for light. /aw
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mm
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Posts: 12
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Post by mm on Nov 24, 2008 7:26:20 GMT 2
I see the two icy's, so I changed icy to rimy. I like river, because it rhymes with shiver.
she melts my rimy river hot heart under the covers /mm
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Post by Barbara A Taylor on Nov 24, 2008 8:17:20 GMT 2
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my rimy river hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal - what else can I do? /lvpd
White doves veer in a black sky solstice compass /rjh
the stars signal impatience - while we wait for light. /aw
on the horizon the possibilities of change and new directions/bat
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Post by moira on Nov 30, 2008 10:38:53 GMT 2
Time to wrap this up - Barbara, I've changed 'directions' in your last line to 'discoveries' because directions swings us too much back to the compass a couple of verses prior.
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi
snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my rimy river hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet a secret camera snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal - what else can I do? /lvpd
White doves veer in a black sky solstice compass /rjh
the stars signal impatience - while we wait for light. /aw
on the horizon the possibilities of change and new discoveries/bat
a learning curve and ... our new poem! /moi
and we need a title, which is usually the first line of the hokku but can be some other line from the poem provided it don't refer to a different season from the opening lines.
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Post by moira on Nov 30, 2008 10:46:00 GMT 2
I rather like 'possibilities of change' as a title - any other suggestions?
moi
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Post by batsword on Dec 1, 2008 0:13:11 GMT 2
g'day Moira
Changes work for me. I like the title Possibilities of Change. A good upbeat way to finalise this exercise. Thanks for the opportunity and to all who participated, 'twas fun.
peace and love
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Post by moira on Dec 1, 2008 13:44:20 GMT 2
Possibilities of Change
moonlit porch a flag-carrying ghoul beside the pumpkin /bat the coachman's wicked laughter mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm demeter's daughter pat pat pats the three-headed dog swims to the spring /moi snapped from trance, Cerberus spits as her strokes fade fast /aw winter's icy contraction is upon us - even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd she melts my rimy river hot heart under the covers /mm in her bouquet a secret camera snaps /bat I offer petal after petal - what else can I do? /lvpd White doves veer in a black sky solstice compass /rjh the stars signal impatience - while we wait for light /aw on the horizon the possibilities of change and new discoveries /bat a learning curve and ... our new poem! /moi
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