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shayepoet
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« Thread Started on Sept 19, 2008, 8:24am » | |
Let's write a short (twelve-verse) renku.
Now, we need someone to write the first verse: 3 lines, up to 17 syllables, making reference to the current season.
A renku consists of alternating three- and two-line verses. Each verse links to the one before it while shifting away from the verse before that. Link and Shift - that's what it's about. Of every 3 verses, 1 or 2 should make reference to a season.
Hints:
# This game is collaborative rather than competitive, so everyone's a winner!
# Start and end the poem on an upbeat note. In-between, anything goes!
# Avoid repeating topics, or words (other than small ones).
# Variety is the key: vary the subject matter, style, intensity, grammar etc. as much as possible from verse to verse. The idea is to convey the feeling of change.
# As well as all four seasons, reference should be made to the following special topics:
* the moon (once in the poem)
* a flower (once in the poem)
* love (in two adjacent verses)
# Remember: long (three-line) verses are up to 17 syllables, short (two-line) ones up to 14 syllables. A renku always starts with a long verse and ends with a short one.
# Though the first verse should reference the current surroundings and season, all of the other verses are fictional. Your imagination is your limit!
courtesy of my friend, Norman Darlington
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Barbara A Taylor
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« Reply #1 on Nov 1, 2008, 11:30pm » | |
on the moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin
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mm
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« Reply #2 on Nov 2, 2008, 3:44am » | |
on the moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling
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moira
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« Reply #3 on Nov 2, 2008, 1:14pm » | |
Het Barbara, Mary - thanks for getting this started! I'm travelling until 6 Nov so will only pop in intermittently until then. Enjoy, everyone 
xx, moi
PS - I've added intials to the verses so's we can keep track as we go along
*
on the moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
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tawhite
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« Reply #4 on Nov 2, 2008, 6:08pm » | |
on the moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
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lvpd
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« Reply #5 on Nov 2, 2008, 6:31pm » | |
on the moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
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moira
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« Reply #6 on Nov 4, 2008, 9:09am » | |
This is looking good! three seasons and the moon already in. Now would be a good time to bring in a couple of love verses. And remember, it's quite ok for a poet to contribute many more than one verse in a renku, just so long as they're not adjacent verses.
xx, moi
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mm
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« Reply #7 on Nov 5, 2008, 7:56am » | |
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
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batsword
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« Reply #8 on Nov 5, 2008, 10:12am » | |
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
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batsword
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« Reply #9 on Nov 5, 2008, 10:15am » | |
(sorry, again with all)
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
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lvpd
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« Reply #10 on Nov 15, 2008, 5:10pm » | |
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal -
what else can I do? /lvpd
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mm
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« Reply #11 on Nov 16, 2008, 8:35am » | |
I like your latest, lvpd. Only four more stanzas to go. I think this is shaping up nicely. 
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giraffe
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« Reply #12 on Nov 22, 2008, 12:36am » | |
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
Snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal -
what else can I do? /lvpd
white petals
spin on black water
solstice compass /rjh
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moira
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« Reply #13 on Nov 22, 2008, 1:35pm » | |
we're nearing the end of this and I'm going to suggest a few revisions in terms of the hints/outline above, especially with respect to avoiding as far as possible, repeats of words/images.
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
Ssnapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river frozen
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal -
what else can I do? /lvpd
white petals doves
spin on veer in a black water sky
solstice compass /rjh
just some suggestions because we were beginning to dwell a little on water/rivers/flowers in places - thoughts? comments?
moi
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mm
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« Reply #14 on Nov 23, 2008, 9:01am » | |
well, I think this really needs to say "icy river" - how can a heart be both frozen and hot?
she melts my icy river frozen
hot heart under the covers /mm
I don't mind a lot of water and flowers.
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moira
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« Reply #15 on Nov 23, 2008, 4:00pm » | |
ooops! - that was careless of me. You're right Mary, 'frozen' doesn't fit like that - I was thinking to add another noun in place of 'river' too, but then got side-tracked 
moi
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batsword
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« Reply #16 on Nov 24, 2008, 3:04am » | |
the word icy has already been used...
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tawhite
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Karma: 0 | | Re: How do you write a renku?
« Reply #17 on Nov 24, 2008, 5:27am » | |
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my icy river frozen
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal -
what else can I do? /lvpd
White doves
veer in a black sky
solstice compass /rjh
the stars signal impatience -
while we wait for light. /aw
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mm
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« Reply #18 on Nov 24, 2008, 7:26am » | |
I see the two icy's, so I changed icy to rimy. I like river, because it rhymes with shiver.
she melts my rimy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
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Barbara A Taylor
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« Reply #19 on Nov 24, 2008, 8:17am » | |
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my rimy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal -
what else can I do? /lvpd
White doves
veer in a black sky
solstice compass /rjh
the stars signal impatience -
while we wait for light. /aw
on the horizon
the possibilities of change
and new directions/bat
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moira
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« Reply #20 on Nov 30, 2008, 10:38am » | |
Time to wrap this up - Barbara, I've changed 'directions' in your last line to 'discoveries' because directions swings us too much back to the compass a couple of verses prior.
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat
the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my rimy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps/bat
I offer petal after petal -
what else can I do? /lvpd
White doves
veer in a black sky
solstice compass /rjh
the stars signal impatience -
while we wait for light. /aw
on the horizon
the possibilities of change
and new discoveries/bat
a learning curve and ...
our new poem! /moi
and we need a title, which is usually the first line of the hokku but can be some other line from the poem provided it don't refer to a different season from the opening lines.
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moira
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« Reply #21 on Nov 30, 2008, 10:46am » | |
I rather like 'possibilities of change' as a title - any other suggestions?
moi
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batsword
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« Reply #22 on Dec 1, 2008, 12:13am » | |
g'day Moira
Changes work for me. I like the title Possibilities of Change. A good upbeat way to finalise this exercise. Thanks for the opportunity and to all who participated, 'twas fun.
peace and love
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moira
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« Reply #23 on Dec 1, 2008, 1:44pm » | |
Possibilities of Change
moonlit porch
a flag-carrying ghoul
beside the pumpkin /bat the coachman's wicked laughter
mouth of rot, black swift swirling /mm
demeter's daughter
pat pat pats the three-headed dog
swims to the spring /moi
snapped from trance, Cerberus spits
as her strokes fade fast /aw
winter's icy contraction
is upon us -
even the cornstalks shiver /lvpd
she melts my rimy river
hot heart under the covers /mm
in her bouquet
a secret camera
snaps /bat
I offer petal after petal -
what else can I do? /lvpd
White doves
veer in a black sky
solstice compass /rjh
the stars signal impatience -
while we wait for light /aw
on the horizon
the possibilities of change
and new discoveries /bat
a learning curve and ...
our new poem! /moi
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